Invisible words and visible mends
On not writing (again) and finding the magic (again)
Hello, it’s been a while… Summer is slowly slipping away and it’s been quite some time since I wrote anything of note here or indeed, anywhere else… To be honest, this post has sat in my drafts for most of the last week and each time I have turned to return to it I find I am interrupted, so thank you for bearing with me and a huge hello and welcome to those who have joined me here recently. I’m looking forward to properly returning to this space again soon…
It’s early morning and for the first time in a long time, I have a moment alone with my words and a hot cup of tea.
The house is quiet, the ink of the night is already turning to milky white and I have a cloud gap of time and space, when I can slow right down and catch my breath.
And yet… the fear creeps in that my time is limited, that someone will wake up and come and find me.
I chastise myself for wishing for more space, reflecting on those who don’t have safety or shelter right now, who are living in fear for their lives across the world. A voice whispers that I should be more grateful, that the very fact that I get to sit with a warm drink in a safe house with sleeping children is an absolute privilege.
I take a moment to just sit with my thoughts…
I look back over the past weeks of the holiday, many of them spent juggling too many plates, working long days and trying hard to be present for my children yet feeling somewhat removed as responsibilities have taken over and my attention has been pulled in different directions.
I look at the list of things to do before school returns and hastily scribble down some words about what this feels like… I wonder if maybe there is the start of a poem there.
I reflect back on the magic of a retreat I hosted with the beautiful recently and wish I could return to that space and to being in the company of a group of beautiful, wonderful, sparkling women… I am moved so deeply and changed in so many ways by that time and will be forever grateful to and the women who trusted me to host them and make them early morning cups of tea… I write down that I want more of this please, I write it down again, more please.
I write down that I want to be in community with others, I write down how I miss the simple act of sitting alongside and in the company of other women and how bloody amazing that is. I write down again that I want more of this please, more of this please. I still can’t find the right words to describe the sheer joy and magic of it all…
While I work on finding them, Kerri has described it so beautifully…
I look back over my posts for this past year and realise how much I have written about not writing. I laugh out loud and then wish to give the Lucy, who started this year with such grand ambitions, a great big hug and tell her it will be ok.
To write in the margins is something I have always done, fitting my own words around the words that I write for others in my day job and my other day-to-day responsibilities and other professional hats I wear. For the most part, I’ve accepted that this is the way it needs to be and I’m continually reminding myself that rejection is constant and that it never ceases to sting a little. I also take a moment to remind myself that comparison not only kills joy but can also lead to so much time that I waste in a doom scroll or am awake at 3AM plagued by thoughts that I am not good enough.
I wonder for a moment about the possibility of what could be, of what could be if I let go of all the expectations I put upon myself and allowed myself a little more freedom and time to play.
I wonder if instead of trying to make my writing practice something that is deemed a success in the traditional sense, I just allow it to be.
For me the magic is almost always found in the invisible, in the everyday that we so often overlook and yet it feels strange to celebrate this in this weirdly performative world, where the proof is in the pudding… where the end result often belies what went on behind the scenes to get it to the point where it is visible.
I reflect on all the tiny visible mends that are woven across my body. I ponder on how that criss-cross constellation of tiny incisions across my abdomen are now the only visible part of what has taken a long time to heal. I long to sit in this newly visibly mended body and get to know her a little better… To take the time to allow her to just be… I long to sit in the company of others and write again.
As the summer begins to make her exit and I look to a quieter time in terms of my freelance work, I’m looking forward to the invisible work, to really taking the time to pause and tend to my own writing practice and sit in community. Since Calliope’s Writers Community came to an end earlier this year, I have really missed the opportunity to co-write and before the summer holidays it was such a joy to restart some co-writing sessions… There truly is something so very special when we write in the company of each other. When time stills and slows and we unite in sharing our stories, weaving those invisible thought ribbons into song. When that which has had to be swallowed down or held back rises up and finds its own voice and we say what we want and what we need.
So, as I look to the darker days, I am very much looking forward to running some more co-writing sessions for free in September and October and I invite you to join me.
Autumn co-writing sessions
Join me in September and October for some free co-writing sessions online!
What to expect
The sessions will last approximately one hour and fifteen minutes with a moment to pause and ground ourselves at the beginning and time at the end to have a little catch up (should you wish).
You don’t have to talk, you don’t have to bring anything specific to work on (I'll share a prompt in the chat), you don’t have to have your camera on, the whole idea is just showing up and spending some time with your words in the company of others.
Dates
These sessions will be free and will take place at the following times and dates on zoom:
September
Fri 13th Sept | 9.15 - 10.30 UK Time
Mon 16th Sept | 13.00 – 14.15 UK Time
Mon 30th Sept | 13.00 – 14.15 UK Time
October
Mon 7th Oct | 13.00 – 14.15 UK Time
Mon 14th Oct | 13.00 – 14.15 UK Time
Mon 21st Oct | 13.00 – 14.15 UK Time
Upcoming in person workshops in Cornwall
I’m also absolutely over the moon to be running two in person workshops, one for Nansledan Arts Festival in Newquay in September and one for The Writers' Block in Redruth in October.
Constellations, cats and clouds | Writing the everyday at Nansledan Arts Festival
Saturday 21st September | 09:30 – 11:00 | Nansledan
From constellations to cats, from clocks to clouds, join me for a creative writing workshop that explores the extraordinary in the ordinary at Nansledan Arts Festival.
Small Pleasures and Invisible Joys | Writing Workshop
Thursday 10 October | 18:00 - 20:30 | The Writers' Block, The Ladder, 2-4 Clinton Road, Redruth, TR15 2QE
This workshop will focus on bringing joy to your writing practice and exploring ways in which you can write for pleasure and find awe in the everyday.
Thank you so much for reading.