The Ice Melts A Little Slower These Days

As the children return to school tomorrow, I thought I would share a little poem that I wrote in the margins and at the tail end of the summer holidays… These past six weeks have not really felt like a holiday, as a family we have juggled many different hats and I haven’t got it right in terms of being present and available for everyone. I feel frayed, highly caffeinated and rather wired if I’m honest.

The swallows who live on our lane and in the surrounding barns are also on the move and making plans to leave… There is a sense of upheaval in the air, so much so that even the wind seems louder and more unruly this week. Things are shifting.

I am equal parts desperate to find the time and space again to work in stretches that are neither snatched nor interrupted, desperate to return to my writing and desperate to just be…

And yet, despite all of this, I’m actually finding the return to school this year particularly hard.

Don’t get me wrong, I will absolutely feel a sense of relief that I can claw back some time and a bit of personal space over the coming weeks but the house will also feel rather empty and quiet again. And as I am not interrupted by the sound of bickering, singing or shouting, I’m going to have to learn to be with my thoughts again and get to know the shape of absence again.

There is something about the velocity of childhood that seems to be ever accelerating in this wild world that we live in…

Maybe it was always like this?

Maybe it’s just that I have now entered my eleventh year of mothering and my eldest is nearly as tall as me it is suddenly speeding up?

Or perhaps, I just need to lie down in a dark room for a day or two ;)

I am trying so hard to linger in the now, in this moment and appreciate it for what it is… But sometimes, I feel completely conflicted by motherhood and the cacophony of feelings that arise from it and the return to school seems to be one of those threshold moments where I can’t quite get my head around it, let alone cross over the line without hesitating and pondering and faltering…

So… Here’s to all those whose flocks are heading out this week, here’s to those who are longing for summer to continue, here’s to those who can’t wait for a quiet house and here’s to those who (like me) can’t quite get their heads around it all.***

The Ice Melts A Little Slower These Days

Text within this block will maintain its original spacing when publishedThe ice melts a little slower these days
Summer is making her exit
We sit sharing softly spoken anxieties
About the return to school
And how we will manage the early mornings again

Summer is turning her back now
As we wonder aloud
Where these past weeks have gone
And try to remember where the school uniforms are
And hope new shoes will last at least a term or two

Summer is slipping away now
As we ponder what this next year will hold
And what it is to mother small ones who now pass our shoulders
Those little lithe limbs now long, sun-kissed and lumbering
And their feet now bigger are than our own

The ice melts a little slower these days
As summer makes her exit

Co-writing starts next week

If you fancy returning to some writing or even having a go for the first time, I’m so excited to be running some free online co-writing sessions from next week. The next session is Friday 13th from 9.15 UK time and I cannot wait to sit and write with some of you again.

***I appreciate that everyone’s mothering journey is very different and there will be so many feelings that arise over the coming weeks that are so unique and individual… To ponder and share these thoughts is a privilege and a luxury that I feel very thankful for and I’m super grateful for you for reading my rather wonky and unruly thought fragments.